This is how my Valentine day will be

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Vodka is cheaper than dinner for two


Twinkle twinkle little star,

Singles are the superstar.

Every girl is beautiful,

sometimes it takes the right amount of alcohol to see it!

Just Saying

Love is like a fart,

If you have to force it, It’s probably crap.

Minion’s Logic

Doing nothing is really hard.

You never know when you are done.

I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.

I really thought you already knew.

Just asking

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

Wish Google would my girlfriend 

Why this discrimination

When a girl sends hearts and a lot of anonymous love notes, it’s known as having a “secret admirer.”
But when I do it, it’s “stalking” and the police get called.

Minion’s logic 

I didn’t fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss.

Minion’s maths

Take your age and add 5 to it.

That is your age in 5 years.

Happy Friendship Day

You and I are best of friends. Always remember I will pick you up if you fall. Right after I stop laughing.

You want to impress a girl with your silence.

Carry a goggles and a book in hand and stay silent.

Tinder users be like

Do you believe in love at first swipe?